I hope mine doesn't look like that
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
