When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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