I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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