And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
