Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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