He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
