If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize