I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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