From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
