can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize