Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
