I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
