Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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