Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
