i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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