Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
