How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
