Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
