My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize