return my video game
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
