If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
