It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
