Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
