and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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