the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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