i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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