i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
