Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
