I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
