I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
