there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
