who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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