how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
