no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
