can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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