you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
