Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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