sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
