what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
