I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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