I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
