i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
