i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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