the new term for farting is butt boxing.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
