I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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