I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
