I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
