Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
