after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
