Rock
Scissors
Fuck
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
