dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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