I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
