We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
