Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
