you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
vagina is talking i cant
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
