i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize