thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
