woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
