if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
