I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
