He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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