During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize