i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
