& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
