my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
