He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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