The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
