mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
