I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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