Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
